I have a sister with learning disabilities age 57 (mentally 5 or 6 years) she currently lives with my mum age 87 (getting frail and memory going) I am trying to get my mum into sheltered housing but she won’t move because my sister being to young can’t move with her. So I am trying to get my sister into appropriate housing via my local council and am going round and round in circles and getting no where. They currently live in a high rise which has been fine until recently as the council are now housing homeless there and there’s a lot of hassle. They don’t feel safe any more. Thinking that if my sister could be homed appropriately now while my mum is still here it would make the transition easier before the inevitable happen, they have lived together since my sister was born. I have been speaking to my local councillors and still going round in circles and don’t know where to turn next. It’s now affecting my health as well as there’s. Any help or suggestions would be appreciated.
I would contact your local MP for support. If you live in England consider contacting Mencap too, as they may be able to support you. Do you have a special housing group that support the local council in assisted housing, some areas do have specialist officers dealing with the needs of sheltered housing ect? You can also contact housing associations yourself to get your relatives on housing list, but you should ensure you know how many points they have towards being rehoused and were they are on the list. Very importantly I would discuss having POA for your mum if she is now becoming forgetful. Without a POA you can be locked out of discussions and decisions. I would also make certain that you are considered a significant other for your sister, even if she is quite able.
Hope this is not repeating what you already know.
What support does your mom and sister receive( Health or Social services)? Unfortunately the Covid crisis has prevented assessments, however if you believe the risk is increasing for both of your relatives the safeguard route is still operating and this could open dialogue between yourself and your local authorities to look at options. I agree with Jenny both your of your relatives need access to advocacy and representation to protect choice and rights.
Citizens advice bureau is a good place to start - they won’t solve the problem but will know and direct you to the local contacts you should get in touch with.
Hope you are able to get some help.
I’m trustee of our local MENCap - contact your MENCap . Chat to them ask to speak to other carers and support from them. It is an additional support system and other parents and family carers experiences maybe can help you find the right person to ask.
Sheltered or assisted living is often for people aged 55 and over so your sister may be eligible to live in same place/ development as your mum, though depends on their local provision. More info on Age uk website: Assisted Living (extra-care housing) | Housing choices | Age UK
Hi Pam, you could also contact HFT’s Family Carer Support Service, via email: firstname.lastname@example.org . They also have a helpline: 0808 801 0448, which is currently available 09.30-16.00 mon-thur. They’ve given me great advice in the past.
Hi Pam, this sounds really tough. As well as the very helpful advice above, I’m wondering how much support you have for yourself as a sibling? It’s not easy support both an elderly parent and a sister with learning disabilities at times.
Sibs is the UK charity for brothers and sisters of disabled children and adults:
- Online support groups, meet others, share advice and support. Click here to read more and sign up
- eBook ‘self-care for siblings’ - common sibling topics, experiences and advice from other siblings, self-care tips
Take care and let us know how you get on